End of term reports: Commons Academy, Westminster

Gove, Michael:

Very polite and courteous to the other pupils and always does his homework for the Debating Society. Loves the old school traditions reminds me of the older boys when I started at senior school 40 years ago. Excels at Latin and Greek but, unfortunately, does tend to look down on the pupils who take vocational or technology subjects.

A tendency to rush projects without thinking them through first has led to a number of embarrassing mistakes. Very self-confident and likes to give the impression that he knows more than the teachers. Will not listen to advice! Was given lines by a senior teacher for sloppy preparation but still managed to portray this as a triumph to the other pupils. Career-wise, destined either for meteoric rise or total disaster and failure.

Gibb, Nicholas:

Very loyal to his friends but seems troubled and ill at ease sometimes and often appears bored or resentful at Debating Society.

Willetts, David:

Academically gifted and has even been nicknamed "two brains", but managed to offend all the girls and female members of staff recently with some unfortunate and ill-judged comments about women, education and class.

Clegg, Nick:

Everyone seemed to like Nick when he started, but he has courted considerable unpopularity recently through his association with a particular circle of friends and his abandonment of some of his earlier friends and principles. This association resulted in the unfortunate initiation ritual on the playing fields where Nick was suspended upside down and used as a "punchbag" by some of the boys and their friends from outside school and even passers by. Nick rightly complained about this but, out of misplaced loyalty, continues to associate with the suspected ringleaders. Sometimes prone to become emotional and cry during music lessons.

Cable, Vince:

Very popular at first and stalwart of the Debating Society but, like some of the younger boys, suddenly changed his views on fees and taxation in order to join the CoalitionSoc the most powerful and influential clique at the school. We have tried to move on from the unfortunate prank by some pupils from another school who secretly recorded Vince bragging about his influence and then played the tapes to the embarrassment of both Vince and the school.

Burnham, Andrew:

There has been some unpleasant feuding and name-calling between Burnham and members of the CoalitionSoc and their supporters, including accusations of copying ideas and inaccurate maths homework. In an attempt to seem different to the CS and to be popular with the other pupils, Burnham has taken to shouting abuse from the sidelines and devising hare-brained but soon-forgotten ideas for awarding all pupils grade C GCSEs regardless of ability. As part of his efforts to be "one of the lads", he has even resorted to posting comments about football on Twitter.